100 Ways to annoy a Telemarketer

1. Pretend you two again and answer every question with “why….?”
2. Ask them their name and try and sell them something you have in your house.
3. Scream really loud in the phone like your answering a radio contest phone call “ex KBBL MAKES ME FEEL CRAZY WHACKY GOOD!”
4. Speak in nothing but pig Latin.
5. Repeat every word the other person says.
6. When they ask how you’re doing tell them you’re glad they called because the suicide hotline was busy and you need someone to talk to.
7. If you have a crying baby available just place the phone on the table without hanging up.
8. Talk like William Shatner
9. Pretend the call is a drug deal and tell them you have hidden the “white candy” so the cops won’t have a clue.
10. Ask them if they know of any curse words you haven’t heard of before.
11. Have an adult video on loud in the background.
12. Ask them if they collect stamps and if not enlighten them on the historical journey of how they came to be.
13. Ask what scam they are pushing today.
14. Pretend to be attacked by an animal.
15. Ask them to speak in their sexy voice if they want to sell you anything.
16. Talk like Ben Stein during the entire conversation.
17. Use your worst and most annoying accent through-out the conversation.
18. Ask them to hold, and then go eat your dinner.
19. Ask them if they have found religion.
20. See how many times you can work a single word in that’s totally out of context.
21. Tell them you want to debate the 10 commandments.
22. Talk to them as if they are a long lost family member or friend.
23. Ask them to talk slowly so you can write every word down, but spend 5 minutes looking for pen.
24. Ask them if they have ever experienced anal leakage.
25. Talk in baby talk.
26. Ask them the correct way to insert a suppository.
27. Pretend you're a psychic and let them know they WILL be fired tomorrow.
28. After every question yell "WHAT....I CANT HEAR YOU."
29. Start humming your favorite song while they give their sales pitch.
30. Pretend you're auditioning for American Idol.
31. Ask them to hold then start humming elevator music.
32. Tell them you're sick and then making vomiting sounds while they give their pitch.
33. Put the phone next to the running garbage disposal every time they try to sell their product.
34. Get a fart machine or whoopie cushion and tell them you ate some bad food but your are willing to listen.
35. Ask them to judge your Yodeling skills.
36. Ask them what the meaning of life is.
37. Ask them to explain the real meaning behind the birds and the bees.
38. Start singing "This is the song that never ends...."
39. Start reading to them from your favorite book.
40. Sing the Barney theme song.
41. Ask them to marry you.
42. Ask them if they have ever been a phone sex operator.
43. Ask them if they ever experimented with a doughnut and hotdog.
44. Answer the phone while having sex.
45. Ask them if they are aware that you are with the District Attorney's Office, Division of Consumer Fraud, and that the conversation is being taped.
46. Tell them you're not allowed to talk to strangers.
47. Ask them if Girl Scout cookies are REALLY made of girl scouts.
48. Ask them why it hurts when you pee.
49. Ask them if you should cut the red or blue wire.
50. Ask them if they ever picked their nose so hard that they touched their brain.
51. Pretend you have multiple personalities and all of them want to hear the sales pitch.
52. Act paranoid and tell them they can't penetrate your mind because you're wearing your tin foil hat.
53. Ask them if they know where Waldo is.
54. Pretend you have ADD and change the subject every 10 seconds.
55. Chew gum and blow bubbles really loud.
56. Ask them their home phone number and at what time they eat dinner.
57. Ask them if they "want to play a game.." in a sinister voice.
58. Answer the entire phone call using a celebrity sound board.
59. Ask for marital advice.
60. Tell them they need to repent for the end is near.
61. Make them listen to your cell phone ringtones and ask them which one sounds the best.
62. Ask if you can be their FaceBook friend.
63. Start snoring.
64. Crumple tin foil next to the receiver.
65. Pretend you're drunk.
66. Ask them if they know of a way to remove human blood because your having a hell of a time.
67. Ask them if they carry onesies for adults.
68. Ask them if it's normal to hear voices when no one's around.
69. Ask them if they know of any recipes for worms.
70. Ask them if it's safe to eat your eye crusties.
71. Ask them if they too enjoy collecting toe lint/jam.
72. Tell them you are in the middle of shaving off all you hair so you can make dolls from it and see if they are willing to donate some of theirs.
73. Burp the alphabet.
74. Rhyme during the entire phone call.
75. Ask them if your dentures fall out will the tooth fairy still give you money.
76. Ask them to sing a duet with you.
77. Tell them your currently celebrating lent and you’re trying to cut back on telemarketers.
78. Speak like Darth Vader.
79. Every time they ask you a question say “Hold on let me ask my brother/sister.” Then hand the phone off then have your brother/sister then do the same thing when they are asked a question.
80. Speak in a foreign language.
81. Press a key every time they try to talk.
82. Ask them as many personal questions as possible until they hang up.
83. Pretend you’re an 80’s answering machine recording.
84. Use a whistle every time they try to speak.
85. Tell them you will listen but first you have to take off all your clothes, then constantly comment about how breezy it is.
86. Ask them to fax you the information to 555-555-5555
87. Say got it or yep every time they say a word.
88. Pant really heavily in the phone.
89. Start making random animal noises during the conversation but act like you’re not aware that you’re doing it.
90. Play a dial up modem sound in the phone.
91. Act super paranoid and tell them “They’ll never take you alive!”
92. Pretend you are having an affair and you have wanted to unload on someone willing to listen.
93. Ask them a proper way to prepare a chicken for sacrifice.
94. Pretend you have Touretts syndrome.
95. Play its Peanut butter and Jelly time! on a loop.
96. Start crying for no apparent reason.
97. Ask them why their company insists on testing products on animals and how they could support such a thing. Be convincing.
98. Tell them their voice is making you hot and as they continue to speak turn up the heat.
99. Sing a song that consists of “No..no..nonono….No..no to the double no..”
100. Ask them how deep a body should be buried so the cops won’t catch on.

P.S. If your a telemarketer I apologize for none of it. For the rest of you hope you enjoyed it!

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